10 Ways You Didn't Know You Could Use Coffee Filters

... And Probably Shouldn't Try

1. Coffee- Of course, the first use of coffee filters is to make coffee. If you use enough filters and make enough coffee you might be cognizant enough throughout the day to not need coffee filters for the following items. Because you would have remembered to buy paper towels.

2. Glass cleaner- With a little glass cleaner and a coffee filter or two, you'll have streak-free, lint-free windows. If you're into that. I haven't cleaned the windows in a while, but maybe I will tomorrow. Or not. Probably not.

3. Toilet paper- Yeah, it's a little hard and scratchy, but if you've not only forgotten to buy paper towels, but also toilet paper, they do come in handy. You might need a few of them, though. They aren't very absorbent.

4. Kitten poop picker-upper- Another situation where you might need several, but when you've got six kittens who can't figure out the fucking litter box and you leave the house for several hours one day, you're going to have a problem. Of course, while you were out of the house you could have picked up some paper towels, but you didn't do Number One enough to remember that.

5. Face blotter- When you live in the South and it's summer, sometimes your make-up gets a little shiny. A single coffee filter pressed to your face is the perfect remedy. If you're especially lucky, you might even get a full face print like in Forrest Gump when he inspired the Smiley Face icon.

6. Prom dress- Hey, the economy is tight for all of us, right? A few staples, maybe some markers, you've got a prom dress, baby. And when it comes to prom night after party escapades, it comes off easily. Heh.

7. Dust cloth- Obviously, this is much like using it to clean windows, but you get my drift.

8. Apron- It would have to be the apron to a French maid, but it would keep her itty bitty skirt clean, anyway.

9. Welcome Home outfit- You remember the thing about opening the door for your man dressed only in Saran Wrap? Three coffee filters, baby. That's all you need and it's better for the environment.

10. Baby wipes- If you've forgotten to buy paper towels, and toilet paper, and baby wipes, you can layer two coffee filters together and wet them. And it works really well. The texture is even much like a cheap store-bought wipe.

I think I better go to the grocery store tomorrow. Now I'm getting low on coffee filters, too.